I Don't Like Feeling This Way

You know, I almost didn't post about this...

I mean, I've posted before about the Green Eyed Monster.

But then Reyna wrote about it.  And I thought "SAME".

So here I am.  To share with you MY story of jealousy.

Let's go back a week...  Our JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes was on Saturday.  (Pics and possibly a video to come... but I'm STILL recovering...)

Well, AFTER the walk Sweets had been invited to a birthday party.  And not just ANY birthday party.

Nope.

A SLUMBER PARTY!

I know, you're thinking that I am totally, completely, 100% insane to do a slumber party after the walk.  It wasn't supposed to happen that way.  The party was supposed to have been the week before but kids get sick and people are busy and so the party was after the walk.

Sweets was SUPER EXCITED about this!  This was a SURPRISE slumber party for 3 of her very dear friends.

Are you confused?

Let me explain....  One of MY dear, dear, best friends has 3 kids.  ALL born in late September or early October.  One is 8.  One is 6.  One is 2.  So she had one big, get-r-done party for all the kids!  I thought that sounded like a wonderful idea!

Sweets loves ALL  of these kiddos - but especially the 6 year old.  She and He are best buds.  They say they are getting married.  He's the one who said that he wished she didn't have diabetes.  I love these kids like they are my own, too.  So that just added to our excitement!

Now, I had no problem spending the night.  You knew I was going to, right?!?  I mean Sweets has never spent the night anywhere without me.  ANYWHERE.  But this is my best friend we're talking about here - so it's not like I minded hanging out!  I did not!

However...

The parents all hung around for awhile for dinner and presents and cake.  We are all friends, too.  They are a fun bunch.

But there it was.

Jealousy.

The parents are all talking about what they are going to go do once they leave.

Go to dinner.
Go to a movie.
Sleep.
Spend time together.

And I just could not help it.

All that kept going through my head was.... must be nice.

And I just HATE feeling that way!

But.... Oh My Gosh.

There I was.... I'd just organized our walk team and walked 3 miles that morning in our JDRF Walk.  On top of also running the JDRF Advocacy booth, signing up new advocates, getting people to sign our petition for a JDRF license plate, and encouraging people to add to our chain of links that we're taking to Congress.

I.   WAS.   EXHAUSTED.

How much would I have liked to have a little down time?
How much would I have liked to have been able to spend some time with my husband?!?

I can't tell you the last time J and I got out on our own.  I'm thinking it MAY have been for our anniversary in July... but I don't know.  We barely see each other anymore.  We communicate on the phone because he leaves for work before we get up and once we're home from school it's busy, busy, busy until bed.  Just trying to spend time with her and keep the house running and getting work done...  It's crazy.

I miss my husband.

How much would I have liked to have been able to go home and sleep.  All night.  No worries.

I can't tell you how hard it was to sit there and listen to all the chatter.

But what choice did I have?

There was no way I could have left Sweets alone.  I would NOT leave my friend in charge of T1 AND 11 kids.  And honestly, Sweets would not have stayed if I had not stayed.  She doesn't like to be away from me at bedtime.  And that has nothing to do with D.

And there was NO WAY that Sweets was not going to get to experience this sleepover.  NO WAY.

So....  I sucked it up.

I had a good time watching the little ones and getting them all tucked into their sleeping bags.  I enjoyed watching their sweet little faces as one by one they drifted off to sleep.  I had fun eating pizza and talking with my super wonderful friend once all the kids were ASLEEP!

It was a crazy night.... of course.  I treated more than one low.  The 2 year old somehow ended up sleeping with me on the couch (so sweet!).  Sweets and her buddy were awake and whispering at 6 am.  Then they were organizing a parade - complete with a drum set and tambourine - through the living room around 7:30.

But you know....

As much as it stings.  As much I'd give my right arm for a little down time.  As much as I so want to spend some time alone with my husband.  As much as I NEED SLEEP....

I have some pretty awesome memories that the parents who went home don't have.

Like this....

And I just keep reminding myself that sooner or later Sweets will be grown up.  It won't be long before she won't want me around.  Before I know it she's going to be handling this on her own.

So, for this season, I may not get the "breaks" that other parents get. I may not get the nights out.  I might not get the sleep.  I might not get the date nights.  I might not ever be able to just leave my kid at someone else's house without major planning and worry.

But I get the memories.
And I get the satisfaction that Diabetes did not win.  It did not keep my girl from being a kid.
And I get the pleasure of knowing that I am teaching Sweets how to LIVE with diabetes.  How to do whatever it takes.  How she can be just like everyone else.

Yeah... I'm still jealous at times.  But I know that my life and the life of my family is just different from "everybody else".  Not better.  Not worse.  Just different.

And I keep reminding myself of this...