Too Close to Home

Yesterday, we spent the "hottest day of the year" at the pool with our good friends.

It was so nice!

My friend and I met while teaching. We started going to the same church. We had kids... she has a 7 year old boy and a 4 year old girl... the girl is 13 days younger than Sweetpea. We hung out A LOT! We always have a great time... kids, no kids, whatever. They moved into our neighborhood about a year ago and live just down the street. Perfect!

On the way to the pool, my friend told me that she was going to take her son in for his yearly checkup and that she was worried because he had lost 3 pounds. He is SKINNY.

She said that she thought it was probably due to the camps and exercise that he'd been doing all summer (and the fact that he doesn't eat a ton).

But you know what I was thinking.

"Has he been going to the bathroom a lot" I asked.

She, of course, knew what I was getting at and the thought had crossed her mind.

She said that he does seem to go to the bathroom a bit but it could be because he's gotten used to them stopping at every restroom and trying to go.

"Wouldn't that be ironic?" she said.

And I started to cry. (Luckily I had on sunglasses)

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

It was a powerful, gut wrenching feeling.

It was like my whole body was screaming, "NO. Not him. Not them. I don't want that for him or their or family. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO."

I'm in tears as I type this.

I told her that I could test him. He's done the fingerpricks before with Sweetpea. And it would be easy to see.....

And then, somehow, we forgot.

We enjoyed the day.

I thought about it again when I got home. Kicked myself for forgetting.

I tried to tell J about it. And I couldnt get it out before I just lost it again.

I'm surprised by the power of the emotion. I hear about kids being dx'd every day. It saddens me. I hate it.

But this was different....

This was visceral. It makes me want to shout, "NO. You can NOT have another child, you stupid, horrible disease. You messed with us. You've got my baby in your nasty claws. NO. NOT HIM. NOT THEM. NO. Please, God.... NO."

I know what this life is like. I don't wish it on anyone. Especially not one of my best and dearest friends.

I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure it's just the added exercise he's been doing. I'm sure he's fine.

I want to just run down the street with my tester and find out! But that would be a bit..... crazy. We'll test him. I'm sure we will.

And I'm sure he's fine.