Again.
It's happened again.
But this time diabetes hasn't just claimed ONE life. It's claimed FIVE.
Yes, FIVE.
Today was a crazy day. Work. Very grumpy four year old. Left my phone at work and had to go back and get it. Highway closed down. Errands to run. Didn't get home until 8 pm.
I log on to Facebook and I see the blue candles.
I know instantly what that means.
It means loss. Heartbreak. Sadness. Anxiety. Fear.
Tonight I read that a 24 year old Australian woman has passed away from DKA. And a 27 year old mother of two. And a 16 year old boy. And a 9 year old girl who succumbed to depression and took her own life. And an 18 month old who was misdiagnosed.
It's overwhelming.
And I realize how quickly we fall into that false sense of security.
It's not that we don't worry about it. Oh, we do.
It's just that seeing those blue candles... it reminds us that our fears are not unfounded.
And it forces us to face the TRUTH about this disease.
Because the truth is... People die from diabetes every day. People of all ages.
The truth is... Just because my child grows up, turns 18, gets married, has a family of her own - does not mean that I won't still worry about her and her health.
The truth is... I can no longer take for granted that my child will live a long and healthy life.
The truth is... Diabetes did change our lives forever. Not just for a short time and then it will go back to normal. There is no going back to "before".
The truth is... It doesn't matter if your child is 4, 14, 24, or 54 - losing a child is the most horrific thing I can imagine.
The truth is... No matter how hard we try and how carefully we attempt to manage this disease, we can't control it.
The truth is... Bad things happen.
The truth is... Many of us suffer from depression.
The truth is... I can't ever take a break or let my guard down. Not ever.
The truth is... Pumps and cgms and other "fancy" equipment help... but they're not perfect.
The truth is... Seeing those candles brings us face to face with our biggest fear.
The truth is... I won't sleep much tonight.
The truth is... We can't let any of these things hold us back.
Tonight... I am so overwhelmed with sadness and grief for people I've never met. Because I know it could be me.
Tonight I will feel sick. Tonight I will cry. Tonight I will light my candle.
And tomorrow.... Tomorrow I have to find a way through this. A way through the sadness, the pain, the anxiety, the fear.
Because I owe it to my daughter, to those who are still fighting, and to those who have lost their battle - to never give up.
Because the truth is... We need a CURE. And we need it NOW.
Very sad but very well written. D is unpredictable and these sad times remind us to never ever let our guard down. May a thousand angels watch over your precious darling tonight.
ReplyDeleteFive? You have got to be kidding me. Hallie I'm about to drive across the state just to give you a hug. tonight I wish I could give all diabetics and diabetics families hugs. This tragedy is too much to handle alone.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Thank you so much Hallie for putting into words what so many of us are feeling. I am heartbroken tonight and more determined than ever to help find a CURE for this damned disease! Now I'm going to go give my son another hug!
ReplyDelete~ Michelle Carlson
I guess I find myself thinking "it couldn't happen to us". The truth is, it could. That could be any one of us that you are talking about. Vigilance. Every minute of every day. We must be vigilant without our little ones realizing it. We owe it to them to give as normal a life as we can.
ReplyDelete5 now. I need to close my cell. My heart is aching. Beautiful post. Love you and sending hugs
ReplyDeleteThe truth tears us apart...yet pulls us together.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts.
I'm so thankful to have friends like you to share the road ahead.
Oh my! I had no idea this happened today!! I just logged on to catch up as I am wating to do the next check. I had to work tonight!! I am heart broken as we all are I am sure. This post was beautiful! I will be sharing it on facenook! Love to you tonight and always!
ReplyDeleteAny one of us, at any time, any day...unfortunately that is our reality until a cure is found. Love you Hallie and this was a great post dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI feel sick to my stomach. My biggest fear. Beautifully written as always Hallie.
ReplyDeleteThank you Hallie, my dear DOC friend. Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting my tears into words. I have been holding it in as much as I can..to protect Ally from this news. But I am overwhelmed with saddness for these families whom I have never met. Hugs.
ReplyDeletePerfectly said. Overwhelmed with grief for these families.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! The news we've had just brings those fears right to life!! A ball of fear in the pit of my stomach! but the music you have playing is so wonderful!! I find all my hope and strength for each day and for all the days ahead in knowing that each day is written by God and nothing will happen to my babies until they have done what He has asked them to do with their lives. Thanks for sharing your post with us all! <3
ReplyDeleteI had no idea it was 5 either. It just hurts thinking about it and knowing that my first diabetic child is close to moving out soon. Just when I think I am over the worry or have a handle on it....
ReplyDeleteMy heart is filled with sadness as I sit here and read about all of the lives that have been lost recently to t1d...it is my worst fear.
ReplyDeleteIt is why I don't sleep well anymore, it's why I worry everyday about my girls and about their future. It's why I will NEVER stop working hard towards a cure!
Thanks for the beautiful post.