I'm finding lately that I don't always have time to write a full blog.
Often, I'm choosing between blogging and exercising. And well... One is good for my body and the other is good for my soul.
So- I decided to just go ahead and write mini blogs. Just random thoughts I have that if I had time I would delve deeper into. Thoughts that would turn into blogs.
It's 12:22 am according to the clock on my iPhone.
I'm in Sweetpea's room.
She's sleeping. I'm not.
I just decided it was time for a Dex change.
We had restarted it tonight but then she got in the tub. Note to future self: Dex does NOT like to get while it's restarting.
Anyway, I just decided to pull it.
I just did the change by phone light. No cream. She felt it. But she didn't fully wake up.
As I was gathering my supplies, this thought went through my head...
I wonder what it's like to just go to bed? To just put your kid to bed and give them a kiss and see them in the morning? I wonder what it's like to not worry about what's going on in their bodies all night long?
When she was a baby, I'd wonder if she would sleep through the night. This is NOT like that. Not at all. And people should stop comparing the two. Diabetes is only like having a newborn in the sense that it's probably the only thing even slightly relatable to most people.
Having a newborn was cake compared to this. Having a child who sometimes woke during the night? That's like comparing apples and... Sunflowers. Or motorcycles. Or rain.
Anyway, I look out my window at my neighbors darkened houses. And know their children are sleeping inside. Safe in their beds. The parents are probably asleep, too. No one else is pricking fingers or inserting needles or waiting for it to be safe to fall asleep.
It's lonely at night.
She's going up. But I'm afraid to correct too aggressively without Dex helping me. Sometimes it scares me how much I rely on that little sucker.
Ok- if I don't at least grab a quick nap before I have to enter start up numbers then tomorrow is going to be seriously unfun.
Hoping all of you are having nice, steady nights. Wishing you peaceful sleep.
And so glad that while the windows on my street are dark- I know I'm not alone.
Because you are out there. Lighting your own lights. And burning brightly in the night.
Bless your heart. I know those nights of not sleeping. My husband many times ignores the alarms and I am always afraid I will sleep though them. His Dexcom just woke me and I had to get him to eat something. Now I will be up for a couple of hours worried that he will continue to go lower. Take care and hug that sweet one.
ReplyDeleteIronic to read this post while I am sitting in my little girl's room waiting to poke her finger. (Also using the light of my phone, which reads 2:34 am.) Thanks for taking the time to share and making me feel less alone out here.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! I needed to know I wasn't alone in this tonight as well! We've only been doing this since October but every night and some (actually most)days I feel alone like no one understands what we go through! There are many who care but still they dont understand. And I am thankful for there love and concern but the everytime I see them questions of "Is she ok?" wears on me bc I think they think it just disapears for a few days or something and in my head I'm screaming "NO, SHES NOT OK!!!. We have highs, lows, worries on top of worries, sleepless nights, finger pricks, site changes, blood drawn, heart breaking questions from her, and other scary moments like last night when her site fell off or the other day when she dropped to 33! No we're not ok! Thats what I really want to say! Sorry I really needed to release some of this frustration! Thank you for posting this! Although I wish I could say none of our children had this horrible disease I thank you for sharing so that I dont feel so alone!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteI often think of the others that are also up during the night as I am doing checks/treating highs or lows/changing sensors, etc.
Prayers..
I had this exact thought just last night as I went into Elise's room to check her before I went to bed. I somewhat know, because of Mattias, and last night I wished it could be the same with Elise (not just for me, but for her too. Mostly her, in fact), that mt heart actually hurt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the blog! Been doing this for 11 years now, and even though he is 14, I am still afraid he will not wake up in the morning! I thought it would get better (and it has, a bit) but I can't imagine a night when I can't just go in his room and check him...and I know it is coming. Always scary. Hope your little princess stays well!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the blog! Been doing this for 11 years now, and even though he is 14, I am still afraid he will not wake up in the morning! I thought it would get better (and it has, a bit) but I can't imagine a night when I can't just go in his room and check him...and I know it is coming. Always scary. Hope your little princess stays well!
ReplyDeleteAmen. The only people who can understand at all are others who lie in bed genuinely hoping, praying that their babies are going to be okay in the morning. Unless you've every truly rushed to your child's beside AFRAID of what you might find, you can't relate to me (hugs)
ReplyDeletethose silent visits in the wee hours of the night seem so lonely for sure. It is very comforting to know that at that exact same moment though, there are countless other D-Moms and Dad's doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. Too afraid to try a dexcom change in her sleep though. She doesn't hold still in her sleep at all.
ReplyDeleteYep, right down the street doing the same thing! You are not alone. It has become so routine though that I kind of forgot that everyone else on my street isn't doing the same :). You mean that there are people who sleep at night??
ReplyDelete